No, not that kind. Check out Dave today. He's got the Blog bunch all advising what not to do on New Year's Eve. So far, I've contributed the following:

1. Don't let your husband mix his drinks (ie gin + beer + tequila + champagne) and then alcoholically berate you in front of the myriad transvestites at the Boystown IHOP at 4 am. One of you is likely to puke on the sofa to which he's banished. The other one will have to smell it.
2. Try very hard not to step off a curb onto busy Halsted St. after four hours of drinking games involving mixed shots. Even that burrito you just ate in a drunken stupor won't protect you from psycho cabbies.
3. Don't go to a hotel room with a stranger, unless he is Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp (or, ideally, both of them at the same time).|
4. Don't drink if you have small children. No matter how much you pray, they will jump on your stomach and head at 5 am, demanding attention. Just one diaper change could cause you to turn the tables on the baby and puke on him for once.
5. Jagermeister. Nobody should drink that sh*t.
6. I'm with Karlotta -- please don't drink and drive, and have a safe and happy new year. 2005 would not be the same without the Barry Bloglits.
Posted by: JT on December 31, 2004 12:10 PM

Then, after another Bloglit mentioned Liquid Cocaine (Jager and Goldschlager), I added:

    Again, I have no resolutions (other than the daily one to be more patient with my kids). However, I feel it very important to wish everyone here in our Blogosphere a year full of health, happiness, and peace. I hope we all can at least be healthy enough to work and play, have people in our lives to love and to love us, and make enough money to pay for our necessities as well as a few fun things, too.
    I hope the year 2005 brings great music, art, movies, and healthy babies born to happy and grateful parents. I'd love to see peace this year, even if I don't have much hope for it right now. I pray that people suffering in the world can find help and strength, or at the very least a peaceful and painless end.
    I wish for Brad & Jen to work out their perceived problems, and for paparazzi journalism to die the death it deserves so that we stop bugging people like Brad & Jen (who frankly seem pretty darned nice for rich pretty people). I hope George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney et al get a nasty wakeup call from the Ghosts of Poor Political Decisions Past, but that said wakeup call doesn't mean a horrible price to pay for innocent people.
    I hope I reach my weight goal this year, without too much more vomiting. (I've been trying not to blog about that; e-me if you have questions.) This year, I'd like to do fun things with my kids that bring them happy memories, build on my relationship with my husband, show my parents how much I love them, and make new friends.
    I'd like to take a family portrait - one that includes me - and proudly hang it in my home.
    In 2005, my husband will turn 40, I will turn 35, Jacob will turn 5, and Danny will turn 3. DH and I will have been married for nine years and together for 10. I will (possibly) hit my 4-year anniversary with my employer (only one more year for the Tiffany picture frame and 10% increase in my employee discount). Jacob will enter kindergarten, and therefore be turned over to the graces of the public school system (G-d help us all). Danny will probably start talking back, although with any luck, not nearly as much as Jake tries to. We'll move out of the city this year, which means I'll be away from after-hours bars, 24-hour grocery stores and gas stations for the first time in 13 years.
    I hope my husband gets a full-time job, so we can stop panicking about the inconsistency of self-employment. I'd like to give the nanny another raise, or at least make a significant donation to her grandson's education. I'd like to give more money to charity if we can.
    I wish I'll be able to do things that make people feel good this year. I'd like to depend less on therapy and psychopharmacology, and more on my own building strength.
    As DH would say, "Warmest personal regards" to you all. Please have a safe and happy new year.

I don't do resolutions. I'm a little depressed over the tsunami tragedy and seeing all those heartrending pictures of little tykes trying to drink water from their mommies' hands, so I'm not doing much with the news. Instead, here are the CDs I've burned to my hard drive at work this year:
Beck       & nbsp;   &n bsp;     & nbsp;   &n bsp;     Midnite Vultures
Beyonce        & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;  Dangerously in Love
Big Audio Dynamite II   The Globe
Crowded House    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Recurring Dream: The Very Best of Crowded House
Eric Clapton    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;    From the Cradle
Geza Anda    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;     Chopin Waltzes
Jill Sobule    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;      Jill Sobule
John Hiatt    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;      Bring The Family
John Mayer    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;    Heavier Things
Justin Roberts        & nbsp;   &n bsp; Way Out
Koko Taylor    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   Force of Nature
Mike Keneally    & nbsp;   &n bsp;    Boil That Dust Speck, Dancing (w/Beer for Dolphins),
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;     & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;     Wooden Smoke
Miles Davis    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;    Kind of Blue
Monty Python    & nbsp;   &n bsp;     Various songs & soundbites
Nanci Griffith    & nbsp;   &n bsp;      The MCA Years: A Retrospective
Oleta Adams   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;   Circle of One
Poi Dog Pondering    & nbsp;  AIDS Walk ’97 Concert, Liquid White Light, Natural Thing
Prince      & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;      The Very Best of Prince
R.E.M.    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;       & nbsp;Out of Time
Rollover    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;      Rollover
Sam Phillips    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;    Martinis & Bikinis
Sheryl Crow    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;    & nbsp;C’mon C’mon
Smash Mouth    & nbsp;   &n bsp;      Astro Lounge
Soundtrack    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;     & nbsp;A Mighty Wind, Swingers, The Commitments, The Wild
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;  Thornberrys [sp]
Steely Dan   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;  Gold
The Beatles        & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;  Help! [UK], Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
The Brand New Heavies  Brother Sister
Toby Lightman    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp; Little Things
Toni Childs   & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;   Union
Toy Matinee    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p; Toy Matinee
Various Artists        & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Fut ure Soundtrack for America, Girls Rule, Jane 6, Putomayo
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   Presents: African Groove & Salsa Around the World, 
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   Speakin’ Out    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;
Will Smith    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;Big Willie Style
XTC    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         Apple Venus Vol I, Nonsuch, Oranges & Lemons
What are your soundtracks for the year?

    According to today's Tribune, Bush's 2nd inaguration will likely cost more than the $40 million spent on his last one. While the vast majority of the funding comes from corporate donations, this news leaves a bitter taste in the mouth of people spending their days dodging stories of inadequately protected American military troops and Indian Ocean nations without the funds for an early-warning system to avoid the loss of 44,000 125,000 people in a sudden tropical tragedy.

    "Although the inaugural committee has imposed limits on top donors, there is no legal limit. This makes an inauguration a unique opportunity for political donors in an era when 'soft-money' donations to political parties have been strictly curtailed by law and no individual or corporation can give more than $2,000 to a presidential campaign.
    "'This is one of the few places left where corporations, wealthy individuals and others can provide a huge sum of money to directly help a president, and gain access and influence as a result,'" said Fred Wertheimer, president of Democracy 21, a Washington-based public interest group.
    "'It just should not be going on. There is no need to take a pivotal moment in our democracy and turn it into an old-fashioned, big-money Washington operation that benefits the relatively few,' he added.
    "'The alternative is public funding or alternative funding--or not having the need to have nine different inaugural balls," Wertheimer said.'Much of funding goes into partying. If we as a country can't find a way to fund the inauguration with either small funds or public contributions, then we ought to cut back on the costs.'"

    This is absolutely disgusting. Here are some of the companies gleefully participating in this sludgefest:

    & nbsp;"Twenty-one companies and individuals have donated the maximum $250,000. They include businesses with an interest in the outcome of the administration's agenda on such matters as oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
    "Among the top donors: Exxon Mobil Corp., Occidental Petroleum Corp., ChevronTexaco Corp. and Texas oilman T. Boone Pickens, according to the committee's accounting of about $8 million raised through Dec. 23.
    "Other $250,000 donors include former Enron President Richard Kinder of Houston; Dell computer founder Michael Dell of Austin, Texas; United Technologies Corp.; Stephens Group Inc., an investment firm in Little Rock, Ark.; and Sallie Mae Inc., the Reston, Va.-based organization that makes student loans.
    "Another 24 companies and individuals have given $100,000 apiece. These include Northrop Grumman Corp., a leading defense contractor; International Paper Co.; financial services company GMAC; and Al Hoffman, the Florida-based finance chairman for the Republican National Committee."

But wait, there's more. Check this out:

    "Mike Hightower, a vice president and lobbyist for Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Florida, is among those fundraisers. His company donated $100,000 for Bush's first inauguration. And Hightower, involved in more than $3 million of fundraising for Bush's re-election, is asking his company to help sponsor the 2005 inauguration.
    "'Blue Cross has been a huge supporter of the president and the administration,' Hightower said. 'My guess is we'll do something.'
    "What, beyond dinner and dancing, does a company get for its inaugural money?
    "'The most any company is going to get is access to work an issue,' Hightower said. 'When you look at where we're going on health care, the president, his father and Jeb [Bush, Florida's governor] have been aligned on what we want, which is access to quality health care. We have been able to sit down with people in the administration and give them our perspective. They have been most generous.'"

Oh, I bet. This is disgusting.

    I went yesterday to a preview matinee of Monty Python's Spamalot.

    T hough still in the rough stages, this show promises to follow in the footsteps of "The Producers;" hysterical for Python fans, and really fun for those unfamiliar (is that possible) with the original Holy Grail. Sara Ramirez is OUTSTANDING. Tim Curry is in his usual, beautifully rich voice, though he hasn't much to do (Holy Grail is far more about the incidental characters than anyone as boring as the lead). David Hyde Pierce and Hank Azaria are both strong in this show (and uphold Python traditions well). Michael McGrath (Patsy), Steve Rosen (Bedivere) , and especially Christopher Sieber (Dennis/Galahad) are all very good.

    & nbsp; Not only is there plenty of the original Holy Grail in this show, but nods to many other famous Python bits as well. Watch for the myriad silly asides and sight gags.

    & nbsp; Dance & monk lines are rough, and the theater’s sound is terrible. Sightlines far left and right are somewhat incapacitated. Best seats are central, near stage in Orchestra or from center forward in Mezzanine.

    Now, for the bitterness: I was fortunate to purchase the tickets through a friend, instead of paying through the nose to some awful thing like Ticketbastard. We had six seats: two for me and DH, two we purchased as an anniversary gift for my parents, and two we purchased intending to take friends of ours. However, our friends Eric & Leslie announced in October that they were picking up and moving to Michigan, so I stupidly assumed they were not going to be in town for Spamalot. I then offered the tix to a friend of mine and her boyfriend. I didn't hear back from Liz and Aadam very quickly, so I figured they didn't want to go. Meanwhile, Leslie let me know that she and Eric would be back in town for Christmas and, therefore, available to attend the show.

    So, naturally, I got a voicemail from Liz letting me know she would be interofficing me a check for her and Aadam's tix. Crap. I felt badly about the whole botched thing, so I explained what had happened to Leslie, who sweetly demurred the tix.

    I got the check from Liz about a week ago. I then left a message for her on Saturday, saying to please call me on my cell phone and confirm that she and Aadam would meet us at the box office at 1:15-1:30 (show was to start at 2 pm).  On Sunday morning, I hadn't heard back from her and started to panic that I would be left holding the bag (or rather the tickets). So I called her at 10:45 am.... and woke her up .... to confirm that we were meeting up.

    At 1:45, we finally found Liz and Aadam and shuffled into the theater. Now, the disapppointment -- while we were in rows S & T, our seats were at the very edge of the theater, right under the loge. Okay, I could deal, right? I was so fricken' glad to be there that it wasn't much of a problem for me. Figuring DH and I should sit with my parents, I gave the two seats in row S to Liz and Aadam.

    Not five minutes after we sat down, a production staff member came by and swept Liz and Aadam away. I looked up, and saw Liz gathering her coat.

    "Where are you going?" I asked.

    "Better seats," she shrugged. Without so much as a by-your-leave, she and Aadam trotted off to the fifth row, center.

    My mother thought they should have offered the seats up to me and DH, at least as a gesture. Frankly, I kind of agree, but felt I was being petty and selfish (as I am wont to do). I was less pleased when, during Intermission, we saw Liz and she wearily said she spent most of Act I lying on the floor of the restroom. She said she's sick, but didn't elaborate. Neither she nor Aadam were apologetic or thankful in any way.

    The little green nasty inside of me wishes I'd kept the tickets for Eric and Leslie. Isn't that terrible?

    So I kind of have this bad taste in my mouth, combined with my crankiness over not being able to swallow my pills for two weeks, combined with not being able to eat a real meal for same, combined with a three-day-weekend spent yelling at correcting my son Jacob for being bratty.

    It's hard to believe I'm glad to be back at work.

This letter and response in his column was pretty funny. It's a letter from an irate, animal-loving reader:

Wow, so what was it that made you want to become a butcher and decide animals have no rights? So if you hadn't become a "writer" (for lack of a better word) I guess you would be a serial killer? Talk about a walking stereotype, you look and sound like some white trash, animal hating, gun-toting, red-nosed crying in his beer, unhealthy and pasty meat-eating, NASCAR loving male. I'm right aren't I? How very sad and small you are.
- R.K., on an Animal Planet

And Kass' response:
Dear R.K.: Yes, I am a meat-eating White Sox fan. But you're mistaken. I'm not very sad. Actually, I'm quite the jolly fellow. And I'm not very small, because I love animals more than you love animals. I love them with oregano, salt, pepper, lemon and butter. I love them broiled, fried, roasted, and grilled. And I love animals slow smoked for hours over hickory, with a tangy sauce.

Speaking of the Tribune, I'd like to thank Eric Zorn for the Christmas present I received in today's mail. It's a copy of "Former Child Stars: The Story of America's Least Wanted," by Joal Ryan. You can read Eric's blog here. I'm thinking the book will be good at least for bathtub reading, if not fun blog material.

P.S. Current sounds: "Mrs. Potter's Lullabye," Counting Crows. The next song on this CD is Aimee Mann's "Save Me."

I work in a very weird place. One of the guys here has created his own Festivus pole, complete with a handmade wooden stand. It's truly a thing of beauty. Even better, he sent out a few great links to Festivus stuff. My favorite is the Happy Festivus card that reads simply, "You're a disappointment!"

So, in honor of this distinguished holiday, please list your grievances here in the Comments. Here's one of mine:

Some people got to bring their kids to work today. If I had but known, I could have really had fun with Jakey and brought him here to play with all these cute little girls and draw pictures all day. Since I don't have a kid here, I actually have to work today. Feh!

I was just handed my company Christmas gift.... an AmEx Gift Checque. I'm very happy, though my first thought is to what practical use I can make of it (ie buying diapers & cat litter instead of a new watch or something). My manager also gave us each a container of hot cocoa mix and either a picture frame (for the women) or pistachios (for the men).

Last year, we were given Lettuce Entertain You gift cards from the company (same denomination as the AmEx gift), which I was really forced to use for fun. I took my friend who was my partner in customer service at our store out for dinner, and we had a blast. I was assuming we would get the same gift this year, so the change was a nice surprise.

What's your favorite holiday gift to get from a non-family person or entity?

Stolen from Sheryl.

1. Three names you go by: JT
2. Jo
3. Jacob's Mom (what the other kids in his class call me)

1. Three screen names you have had: JT
2. JTStudio
3. Tiffy

1. Three physical things you like about yourself: My eyes.
2. My legs
3. My skin

1. Three physical things you hate about yourself: Stomach!
2. Big feet/ugly toes
3. Big hands

1. Three parts of your heritage: Romanian
2. Spanish
3. Polish

1. Three things that scare you: Financial insecurity
2. Anything happening to my kids
3. War

1. Three of your everyday essentials: Water
2. Protein in some form or another
3. medicine

1. Three things you are wearing right now: Black pants (as always)
2. Black & white sweater
3. Big, ugly, warm boots.

1. Three of your favorite musical artists: Sheryl Crow
2. John Mayer
3. Aretha Franklin

1. Three of your favorite songs at present: Daughters, by John Mayer
2. C'Mon, C'Mon, by Sheryl Crow
3. Tilt Ya Head Back, by Nelly

1. Three things you want in a relationship: Companionship
2. Warmth/affection
3. Love and Romance

1. Two truths and a lie: I am in love with my kids
2. A massage is a great way to spend an hour
3. I love my job

1. Three things about the opposite sex that appeal to you: A sense of humor.
2. Intelligence.
3. Confidence

1. Three things you just can't do: Eat anything they show on Fear Factor
2. Watch surgery on TV (or in real life, for that matter)
3. Keep my mouth shut

1. Three of your favorite hobbies: Reading.
2. Movies
3. Entertaining

1. Three things you want to do really badly right now: Sleep, sleep, sleep.
2. Read the next Harry Potter and Stephanie Plum novels
3. Eat a big 'ol steak or slab of BBQ ribs. Yum!

1. Three careers you are considering: Retail operations
2. Custom painting children's furniture
3. Stay-at-home mom (maybe someday)

1. Three places you want to go on vacation: St Maarten
2. Key West
3. Ocho Rios, Jamaica

1. Three kid's names: Jacob
2. Daniel
3. Lily Rose

1. Three things you want to do before you die: Celebrate an occasion with my kids and grandkids
2. Go on a few great vacations
3. Reach a weight goal that makes me happy

Dada's blog had a great post the other day.

Current sounds: So What, Miles Davis.

Okay, Sheryl, you asked for it... pet names. Do you name your pets after people? Are they just named with terms of endearment?

We have two cats. They were adopted as teeny kittens, six months apart. We started with SCSI (pronounced Scuzzy). That name was DH's idea. When we got the second one, I suggested GUI (Gooey). DH says if we get another cat, we should name it Gadget. I love the name, but I don't want the number of cats to outnumber the number of adults in our household.

If we get a dog, it will probably be named Frank, since I wouldn't let DH name either of our kids after Zappa.

C'mon, let me know. What are your pets' names?

I just sent this to one of my newsgroups, and at the risk of getting shut down by bigger entities, I'd love to quote it here. This is Jon Stewart, from a Kevin & Bean Christmas album.

Hi people, this is Jon Stewart. You may know me as that guy who used to have the show, but who's now six months away from doing an infomercial purely for cash because he's a coke whore. Oops!

Um, at the urging of my good pals Kevin and Bean, uh, well, maybe not urging; some would say blackmail but I swear to God dressed up, he really did look like a girl. I mean, you know, in a kind of, anyway.

I was supposed to come up with a recipe for their Christmas tape, "How the Jews Stole Christmas," but I gotta be honest with ya, the Jews didn't steal Christmas, alright? When are you gonna get over this savior-killing thing? I had nothing to do with it! I was with my brother the whole day. Ask around. Actually, I was in my driveway, practicing my golf swing. Alright? So I didn't kill your savior. That's not my bloody yarmulke you found. Not at all.

Alright, now here's your holiday recipe, friends. It goes like this. Take a country filled mainly with Christians, throw in a couple of Jews that live in New York like me, add a bottle of Scotch, and maybe a dash of bitterness, and whaddaya get? A shitty Christmas, Ladies and Gentlemen, that's right. Jews. Hate. Christmas. You wanna know why? Because the rest of you people aren't Jews. While you're out there celebrating the festive birth of your savior, we're running around like assholes because the oil lasted longer than we thought it would. That's right, that's what Chanukah is. A holiday about a bargain. We celebrating a bargain, for eight fucking days. Pathetic, really.

I tell you, people often ask me: "Jon, what do Jews do for Christmas?"And the answer is, of course, we sleep late. Not a whole lot going on for us that day. Or we work at 24-hour convenience stores because you people wanted the day off. And if I may on the subject make a quick point, could you maybe change some of the holiday programming you guys throw in there? How many months of the same show do we have to see? It always ends like this: "I don't think there's gonna be a Christmas. But, wait!" Gets a little redundant. How many times can I hear a guy standing in front of his family going "I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

All I'm saying is, people, let's heal the wounds of this country. Christian, Jew, Black, Asian, even those funny, smelly people that drive the things. What we need to do is get together, and that's my recipe this year. Come to my house. Bagel brunch. You bring the Manischevitz, I'll bring the dope.

Okay. It's not much of one, but I had lap-band surgery on May 26th of this year. I hit the wall after Danny was born. I was weak, tired, and looked like hell. I spent almost 18 months investigating weight loss surgery, and decided on the lap-band. You can read about the procedure, and my surgeon Dr. Horgan, here.

Anyway, it's been a bit of a rocky year for me. I had one really bad fill, one better one, and nothing since August. I seem to lose about 10 lbs after a fill and then stop. However, I wasn't able to go back in October for a fill because of my eye surgery & complications, followed by pneumonia, added to financial difficulties.

The doctor's assistant called me a couple of weeks ago to berate me. She is unimpressed with my "slow" weight loss. I'm down about 38 lbs from my pre-surgery weight, and almost 50 from my all-time highest. I let her know I felt 38 lbs in seven months was just fine, and that if I hadn't had the surgery, I wouldn't even have done that. I also let her know that the expense of a fill is a big reason why I don't go in more often. (Okay, that and I tend to pass out, but that's neither here nor there.)

So I have my next fill this afternoon and I'm nervous. Besides it being a nerve-wracking procedure, I have to weigh in and I'm due for my visitor today so I'm all bloated and yucky, not to mention about five pounds heavier than my lowest weight post-op.

To ease my pain a little, I went down to the fitness center and pulled the card that has my measurements on it, and went into the ladies' room to retake them.

Here's what I've got (you may have to scroll way down; tBlog is acting up):

Area	11/2003	12/2004	Change
Neck	16.5"	16"	-.5"
Upper Right Arm	18.75"	15"	-3.75"
Upper Left Arm	18.25"	15.25"	-3"
Right Wrist	8"	7"	-1"
Left Wrist	7.75"	7.25"	-25"
Chest	44"	39"	-5"
Waist	47.25"	42"	-5.25
Hips	55.25"	49.5"	-5.75"
Right Thigh	28"	26"	-2"
Left Thigh	28.25"	25.5"	-2.75"
Right Knee	17"	16"	-1"
Left Knee	17"	16"	-1"
Right Calf	18"	17"	-1"
Left Calf	18"	17"	-1"
Right Ankle	11"	9.5"	-1.5"
Left Ankle	10.75"	8.5"	-1.25"

That means a total loss of 36.25 inches since last year. That's a LOT of fat. I'm disgusted and proud all at the same time! I have no idea still what my final goal is, but I'd like to lose about another 70-80 lbs and get my chest/waist/hips down to something closer to 38/30/38. We'll just have to see. Anyway, wish me luck on my fill, and pray I don't pass out again!

Key Quote:

"If each American who voted Blue in 2004 spends $100 in 2005 on a Blue company instead of a Red company, we can move $5 Billion away from Red companies and add $5 Billion to the income of companies who donate to Democrats."

Going shopping? Choose Blue!

Do you do what you love? I'm curious. When we're kids, we daydream and pretend to be the things that fascinate us most. I recall vacillating between being a ballerina, writer, doctor, and singer. I know for sure I never dreamed about toggling between computer screens, analyzing teeny fields to see what changes each time I do something to a file.

While suffering last night's midrange insomnia, I started to watch Angels In America. I missed the first 15 and last 35 minutes, but was mostly mesmerized throughout. I didn't necessarily empathize with the characters, but I found them fascinating. And while I didn't really feel for the character of Joe, the Mormon married guy who was trying (and failing) to be straight, I could apply that sentiment to everyday life.

The fact probably is that very few people get to do what they love for a living. We're lucky if we can like enough about what we do (the pay, the people, any perks, seniority) to make it worthwhile. When I started with my company, I worked in one of our stores. The money was awful -- maybe a quarter of what I used to make, with no perks other than a discount. But I was good at what I did, and the people became a family to me. When Danny was born, two of the salespeople visited me in the hospital not even 12 hours later, with flowers and lovely thoughts from everyone at the store. When we had his bris, almost my entire store came (as frightened of the concept as they were). It was incredibly touching. Then, when I got a promotion to our corporate headquarters, people were amazing to me again. Some of the folks at our warehouse even sent me cartoons depicting them all crying because I was leaving.

So now, I have a job that pays better (two-thirds of my former salary instead of a quarter), and a little privacy (a cubicle instead of a shared office on the salesfloor), but I do miss the companionship and being a master of my work domain.

Does anyone have it all? If not, what are the pros and cons of what you do, and how do you feel about it?

A friend sent me these little ads, and I just wish I could buy a car from the good people who created them.

I need to just say this. Costco rocks my Casbah! Not only are they the warehousin' big-land-mass nine million rolls of toilet paper kings, but they take ANYTHING THEY SELL BACK, FOR ANY REASON, AT ANY TIME.

Go back and read that again. It's almost like they're Crate & Barrel.

So I have this Dell Axim X5. It's a Pocket PC, which means a Palm with a better OS but not as many good games. DH bought it for me almost two years ago, and I love it to distraction, mainly because it uses Windows Media Player and I can play a trillion songs on it, so it's my Palm/Walkman. It's perfectly suited to my multiple personalities* so I can have all different playlists and hear all sorts of stuff.

Anyway, a month or two ago, I noticed there were increasing amounts of skipping and pausing in my songs, which drove me absolutely batshit. I'd be rolling down I-94, belting out "Devils & Angels," and suddenly the music would screech to a halt, leaving me shouting the words a capella like a dumbass.

I tried downloading the X5 compact flash patch offered on Dell's site, but that didn't work. I emptied my CF card twice and reloaded, to no avail. Finally, I asked DH to look up the date on which he purchased my CF card from Costco (July 12th), and sheepishly waited at Merchandise Returns to give it back, sans receipt or packaging.

They took it back, issued me a store credit for the current retail, and I walked out 15 minutes later with a brand-new 512 MB SanDisk compact flash card. Which is now halfway full with my schizophrenic choices and to which I am currently rocking.

* I don't really have multiple personality disorder, but I am a Gemini and act like it pretty much all the time.

Found at Jewsweek:

My poor, abused-looking kids. Danny just goes from scrape to scrape (if he's not baiting the cat until it scratches him, he's jumping off the sofa or racing at breakneck speed down the hall and into a table). But every once in a while, Jacob really gets a bad one.

On Tuesday afternoon, Jake's teacher called me. Now, we've already established how much I hate these calls, right? Usually it means that he got into a spat with another kid and then someone got hurt, and the past few months he's been responsible for the first punch or kick more than I'm happy about. This time, though, it was the other kid's doing. There were six boys (SIX! I tell you!) crowded around the water table, filled on that day with birdseed. (If a water table is filled with any other substance, is it still a water table?) Jake and this kid Robert were next to each other, and argued about who got to play with a particular pile of birdseed.

(Insert nervous comment about what this says about my child here.)

Next thing the teacher knew, Robert picked up his funnel and smashed my son in the face. Blood spurted, tears were shed. Jake was so shocked he didn't even hit back. The teacher, reporting this to me, was almost in tears. She felt so awful that I had to tell the truth -- I was so freakin' glad it wasn't Jake smashing the other kid (and that he was ultimately okay) that I couldn't possibly be angry.

Picking Jakey up that night at school was a little hard. I don't like seeing my kids sick or injured. He's got a cut a little less than an inch long just below his right eye, and he was building on a heck of a shiner by pickup time.

How sad is it that I want to tell every stranger who sees me with him that he got clocked by another kid at school, and that I would never, ever bash my kid in the eye with a funnel?

Crap. Jake has an arranged play appointment (DH cannot stand the word "playdate") this weekend. It's with a boy who was one of his very best friends their first two years in preschool. I really like the mom, too -- she's a PhD in either psychology or child psych (not sure which -- I know the Dad is a child psych). She also has a little girl who is about 18 months old. However, I don't get to spend a lot of time with other moms, so ...

What the heck do we talk about? Compare their nap-avoidance strategies? Complain about our spouses' whims? Play the I'm-a-sloppier-mom-than-y ou game?

She initiated this date, which makes me feel almost popular. I wish I were better at this stuff, but I suck at it. Deep down, I'm still the prep-school reject who used to hide in the library. Okay, it's not all that deep, either.

I'm a posting freak today, I know. But I need some more advice.

Jacob's 5th birthday is coming up in January. He has asked for the past year if we could have a bowling party for his 5th, and would like to invite the whole class. Originally, this was not going to be feasible (holy shit, it's expensive), but I found a place not far from us that's just $10 per bowler. So even though it still won't be cheap, it's more reasonable than we'd expected. DH wants us to still invite the whole class (plus Jake's non-school friends) so that we can encourage the munchkin to be non-cliquey.

Here's the little dilemna: Every time we have a kids' party, there are one or two families who will bring extra siblings (and even drop them off without checking to see if it's a drop-off party, which I haven't yet had intentionally). Now, it's one thing to plan for an extra goody bag, but another entirely to do personalized favors & pay extra fees for kids that were not included.

On the occasion where a friend of Jake's has a sibling who is Danny's age, or is from a family I know well, I will put on the invitation that the sibling(s) are invited, I/O/W "Miss Abby Jones and Master Jonny Jones."

I'm probably being cheap but it's also the principle of the thing. How should I approach this this year? Just assume that those families will do this again and budget for it?

At the risk of being in hugely poor taste, I was inspired do the this by Andrea, who, along with her partner, had to complete this as an exercise in her adoptive parents' class.

[They] were given a piece of paper and told to write, as follows:

The most important person in your life: How can you choose one? My family is my person.
Your most important role in life: Mother, wife, daughter. Fuck being an employee. I am completely expendable.
Your most important support system: My family, absolutely.
Your ethnic identity / culture of origin: Jewish
Cultural traditions:  Passover seder at my mom's the first night (except this past year, when I hosted for the first time). High holy day observance to some degree. Chanukah with extended family. Huge-ass dinner on Thanksgiving (not Jewish, but family stuff anyway).
Information:  Huh? Is this where we get information? The web, my family and friends. Newspapers. TV news to a small degree.
The place where you feel happiest: In my sons' room at night, when Jacob is sleeping peacefully with that cherubic half-smile, and Danny has emotionally blackmailed me into holding him and singing lullabyes into his sweet little neck.
Resources: Hee. The web, family and friends again. I'm an info nerd, so I love finding resources.
Values: Be nice to other people as much as I can. Try to think of others. Try to live honestly. Work hard. Teach my kids to be thoughtful and encourage their creativity.
An activity that makes you happy: I love entertaining -- party planning, cooking fun things, presenting them in a beautiful or creative way. I also get a real kick of choosing and wrapping gifts, and creating functional art. If you pass me on the freeway, you'll probably see me singing my heart out to some CD, pretending I'm on stage.

Apparently there is more than one good reason to have lots of birth control available in Cleveland.

(Also via Dave.)

Nervous anticipation hung over the assembled crews like an unclaimed bean fart as Commander Sparky (not his real name) sketched the bombing mission.

With thanks to Dave Barry.

We have four free airline tickets. Well, we did pay for them in that we spent an extra few hours at Logan airport, and then were stuffed like sausages into the back row of the airplane for three hours or so. But since we now possess four round-trip tickets to any of the contiguous 48 states, I'd love your suggestions for an inexpensive weekend for me & DH.

Bear in mind we never really took a honeymoon, and we won't take the kids. We both like warm climates. Any ideas?

Sorry to say my depression is only growing worse. Yesterday, I left work (thanks, SS for the ride) and picked up my car at the shop, to discover they charged me a mere $3 for transmission fluid, which is all they think my car needed. Woo hoo! Okay, so that was good and restored my faith in the possibility of a good day.

I got myself onto the expressway, headed back to the city and my PTA meeting. I had just passed the Dempster exit when I felt my car start to shimmy and pull to the right. So I pulled over to the shoulder, and found that my right front tire had blown and was smoking.

Insert good Samaritan here. This incredibly nice, big guy had just finished a day on the job (he's a mover) and saw me standing in the rain, staring at my car. He stopped and helped me change my tire in the freezing rain. The car slipped off the jack three or four times, but with me praying mightily and him being extremely careful, he got my spare on the car.

The man refused to let me send him a check to thank him, but finally allowed me to slip him a little cash for a tank of gas. I gratefully pulled back onto the expressway and headed for the next exit at Touhy.

By the time I got off the expressway, I knew something was wrong again. I barely edged onto the tarmac of a gas station and discovered my spare tire was completely flat and coming off the rim. I tried to fill it with air, but no dice.

Several phone calls later, I had arranged to have the nanny go pick the kids up at school, my dad was on his way to me, and DH knew about the situation and tried to calm me down. By this time, I was in tears, soaked to the skin, and freezing.

Cut to three hours later. I'm finally on my way home, with some trepidation. My dad had bought me four brand new tires ("I don't want to worry about this happening when I might not be in town to help you!") and Pep Boys got them mounted and balanced. I met DH at his train stop and he drove the nanny home. Within another hour, I was out cold.

Now, today, I'm still depressed. The car is better, but I can't get past this gloomy feeling. I'm not very psyched about my current project, and I got busted for wrapping the outer box for the disadvantaged child for whom I'm being an Elf. Also, I'm not being given permission to work in the stores this season because there is supposedly too much work to do. Too bad I need a paycheck, because this is a mental health day if ever I felt one...