I know, I ignore you for weeks on end and then blurp weird shit all night long. Such is my life. I'm trying not to claw my legs off while undergoing some steroid treatment so to keep my hands busy *giggle* I've been catching up on blogs I used to read much more often than I do now. Which is how I found out that The Today Show fucked with Melissa, and caught up on various exploits, and read a hilariously funny post by Dooce inspired by her daughter's new bed (seriously, the woman can turn a phrase like nobody's business), and clicked on an innocent link at Dooce's site that led me here.

It's like my nightmares all spilled out into one glorious, sick shopping anti-Mecca. Just when I start to think it's not that funny, I see something else and it's funny again. I'm probably the last person to see it (see Exhibit A: Dick In A Box), so linking to it may be extraneous. Blame it on the 'roids.

...I use the prospect of change-quickly-into-pj's- and-you'll-get-dessert to get my kids to leave the room for five minutes of relative peace & quiet?

...after the baby threw up all day, I let him eat Life cereal instead of the more healthy Cheerios just so he'd hopefully hold something down?

... I laugh when Jake comes in wearing Danny's old shirt -- whose sleeves come to just below his elbows, and whose waist stops at his ribcage?

... I laugh again when Danny comes in wearing three pairs of pajamas to get warm?

Female med student to a male med student, in hallway of prestigious medical school:

"I've spent all day looking for my purse."

I hope she's not going to be a surgeon.

I came home today to a voice message from Walgreens Health Initiatives Clinical Services -- the mail order company that handles our maintenance meds. We had to request a prior authorization for Danny and I to take Zyrtec and Singulair. This frosts my buns; I have to get special permission to take Zyrtec, because WHI says that Claritin does the same thing. I can tell you, it does not do the same thing for everyone. I was able to get approved for that one, and apparently so was Danny.

"How about his Singulair," I asked the customer service rep, let's-call-him-Max.

"That one... that one was denied," said Max.

"What?" I said. "It's the only thing in its category! Nothing works remotely in the same way. And, oh, yeah -- it's the preferred brand in the formulary."

"Well, it was denied. I'm sorry."

"Does it say why?"

"Well, on the form, the doctor was asked the purpose of the medication, and he checked 'other' but didn't fill in the blank."

"Okay. Can you contact the doctor's office and ask them to elaborate?"

"Would you like me to initiate that procedure?"

"Well, yes," I said, exasperated. "In fact, I'm not sure why you called me about this. I mean, it's not like I can do anything about it. I don't know what to tell the doctor's office. I haven't seen the form or anything."

"Okay, I'm initiating the contact."

"Don't you think that if the claim is denied on a technicality because you just don't have enough information, it would be an automatic thing, to follow up with the doctor and get all the information?"

"Um...."

"And can you put in there, please, that my son can't breathe without this medication? That he'll cough until he throws up? And that if he doesn't take this medication, he'll need steroidal inhalers and possibly a nebulizer, which would be far more expensive for Walgreens, not to mention traumatic for a four-year-old boy?"

"Yes, I can put that in.... can I help you with anything else this evening?"

"No, just getting the Singulair for my son would be terrific. Thanks so much."

Ahh, the wonders of the private insurance system!