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| Dave Barry's got me going now... |
| 03.30.04 (11:55 am) [edit] |
Okay. First of all, yes, the savees do actually need to be on the premises. If you are saving seats for people who are on their way in from, say, Wisconsin, you need to move your darned coats and let me sit down.Conversely, if I have reserved a table for the one night a year I get to go out with adults, and some snotty little silicone babe won't seat us because one person is in the restroom, everyone in the vicinity deserves to roast in the fiery pits of hell. Movie theaters: Unless you're a 14-year-old girl, you shouldn't be going to the movies with a large crowd. What's the point of having three rows of seats "together" when I'm just going to pelt you with Goobers for chit-chatting during the film? It is perfectly acceptable to tag-team seats for two to maybe four people, especially if you are a family with small children you want couched between adults unlikely to molest them. For example, Mom & Daughter save seats while Dad & Son get a second mortgage and hit the snack bar, then they switch. In Chicago, we have billionplexes where the actual theater only seats, roughly, three people. Seat-saving in this case is prohibited. Table-saving How big is the table? How many does it seat? Again, there are apparently special rules for young teenage girls, who need at least three tables per person to ensure reaching their maximum public screech potential. For anyone else, family rules again apply. Nobody in their right mind who has an even faintly responsible adult in their vicinity would go through the hell of waiting in line at a food court with several antsy kids in tow. So one adult takes at least one kid and gets the napkins and table, while the other gets the food. Both adults don't require chairs, since they never get to sit down at the same time, so families can thus donate at least one extra chair to others waiting to sit. Another thing about food court food... who are we kidding that we are in such a rush to sit so we can eat while the food is hot? Do we really think the food is so extraordinary that it cannot be consumed cold? Or is the thinking that the food is so disgusting that consuming it cold would be fatal? Except those Auntie Annie pretzels or whetever the hell they are. Carb Crack, I call it. |
