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| not quite thisclose |
| 12.06.05 (8:41 am) [edit] |
Still having painful labor at night that just stops. Still have an awful cold. Have been a raging lunatic hormonal nightmare for so long I'm totally sick of myself. So here are some quickies, in no particular order:1. Jacob puked his guts out starting Sunday afternoon. Did I mention that in an earlier blog? I think I may have. I've lost all track of time. However, we sent him to school this morning (he was able to keep ginger ale and crackers down yesterday, and seemed more himself this morning). So everyone pray that Pukefest '05 has met its end. 2. Last night, DH asked me if I remembered "Time for Timer," which I didn't think I did. And then he found this, and brought the late '70s rushing pell-mell back into my head. This guy found more of the spots -- including the ever-popular "Hanker for a Hunka Cheese." DH found a great site with a ton of 70s and 80s PSAs last night, but I can't find them for the life of me. Here's some more, though. 3. I don't know if I wrote about getting Jacob's first school report card. Oops. I'm sure I meant to blog it. He did just fine; he's way ahead in math and reading, doing fine in writing, and needs to work a little on some behavioral stuff. Most of this didn't surprise us, but we were a little shocked when, at the parent-teacher conference, Mrs. S. told us that Jake had been having some minor meltdowns in class recently. No hitting (thank G-d), but crying, tattling, etc. Mostly it sounds like cries for attention. She said at this point, it hasn't affected him socially, but she said that kids pick up on this stuff and eventually use it. We were not thrilled that Mrs. S. had not contacted us before, but she said she was giving Jake some space, knowing that there was a baby coming, etc. So DH started to do some online research and found a really good article about tattling that led him to Parent Effectiveness Training (PET). He picked up the book yesterday and began to devour it immediately. (You must understand how huge this is.... DH admits that the only thing he reads is e-mail. Seriously. The man does NOT read for pleasure or information unless forced to.) He was reading bits and pieces out loud to me last night, and I had to admit that much of it makes a lot of sense. Some aspects were familiar, such as "Active Listening." It would be very easy to make fun of this, if it didn't seem to have a 40-year track record. Dr. Gordon's methods basically promise "less fighting, fewer tantrums and lies, no need for punishment." Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? The sad thing is, I'm really ambivalent and taking this whole improving-the-parenting thing too personally. (Again, insert the I'm-so-pregnant whine here.) Embarking on this little parenting course is pointing out to me: (a) Some of my really bad mom habits (b) I have some really shitty childhood memories (c) I may have already fucked my kids up (d) I'm possibly damaging them by not being all-there while I'm pregnant with their little brother (e) I hate thinking about ways I need to change, ie improve, and finally (f) The thought of having to actively listen to why Jacob is whining makes my teeth hurt. I'm being truly honest here. I'm aware of several of my shortcomings (um, low on patience, moodswingy, bad at mediating, etc.). The urge to just tell the kids to separate when they don't get along, followed by "I don't want to hear it!" is strong. I come by it honestly. However, I do agree with DH that we can get some helpful information from this thing. We'll see just how effective I am at carrying some of this stuff out! 4. Jacob has been curious about Santa Claus, as well as why there is so much Christmas stuff out there but nobody talks about Chanukah. He raised the issue last week, complaining that "everything is about Christmas." Astutely, he guessed that there were more Christians than Jews in the world, but then said "that's not fair" and asked if that made them better than us. So we've had some conversations here and there about everyone getting to choose what they believe in, and how nobody's beliefs are better or worse than anyone else's. The second thing that really touched me was him very innocently and quietly aking me on Sunday where Santa lives, because "I want to meet him." I'm not sure how to respond to that. Do I tell my kid that Santa is a fantasy, knowing that he's going to go straight to his friends at school and lay it on the line? (And therefore risking the wrath and ire of 23 sets of parents?) Nope. I sort of sidestepped it by saying that Jewish kids don't get gifts from Santa, but from family and sometimes friends. 5. Speaking of Santa, I just turned in my gift for a kid from Little Village. Every year, my company gets a bunch of letters to Santa from underprivileged children so people can opt to answer them. Last year, I got a little boy exactly Jake's age, so I took Jake with me to pick out his gifts. This year, I got an older boy who asked for "Pokemon cards, the smack down toy, and Rey Mysterio." I'd heard of Pokemon, but the other things were beyond me. A few awkward, stalker-style conversations with strangers at Target revealed to me that the last two are affiliated with Wrestling. Cool, I figured -- I'd get the boy a few Pokemon card packs and a Rey Mysterio action figure. Except Rey Mysterio is the one guy NOBODY can get. At my fifth store, I tiredly asked the Toys R Us associate helping me what Santa should tell a boy if even HE can't get his hands on Rey Mysterio. Doesn't that screw with the mystique? I ended up blowing off the WWE concept and just buying a bunch of Pokemon cards, a collector's box, a cute snowman tin of cookies and a few kinds of candy. I wrote a note from me (as one of Santa's elves), saying how proud Santa was that little K. played so nicely with his brother, worked hard at school, and helped his parents at home. (He had written how he tried to do housework because his parents were tired when they came home from working. Awww!) I always wish at this time of year that I was loaded so I could just buy tons of stuff for these kids. Last year, I was in a little better financial shape, so I could go over the suggested $25 limit for the boy, and I had sent mittens, crayons, and other little things in addition to the gift and candy. But this season will be lean for us (thank goodness Target had such great deals on games after Thanksgiving -- I got Chutes & Ladders and Operation for $12 total!), so I did what I could. But I'm extraordinarily touched by the Santa letters I've seen. Okay, since I'm at work, I should work. Remember kids -- Chew Chew Chew Your Food! |
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 12.06.05 (8:13 am)
Okay... so I'm the oldest of four kids. I'm two years older than my sister, then a nine year gap before two more boys in two years.... My folks were teenagers when I was born and just barely out of their teens when my sis came along... got it?
So... sis and I were raised (till we were about 10 and 12 respectively) pretty much in the style my folks were raised which is to say... strictly and with corporal punishment a regular occurance in the house... Then, when my brothers came along, my folks decided they just weren't happy with the way they'd done things early on with Sis and I and they sought out some training. Well, P.E.T. was very new at the time, and they began taking classes in the tecniques. (I'm guessing this was around 1967 or 68.)
Sis and I were sooooo resentful of the changes. Primarily, at first anyway, it seemed our younger brothers got away with all kinds of stuff that would have meant a severe paddling or grounding for us. And believe me, it was easlily noticeable, but eventually our resentment centered around the the fact that my folks, who like all people learning new things, didn't really have the jargon down just so yet and the speech and patter ("I" messages and the like) hand't begun to sound the least bit normal from their lips as they struggled to assimilate what they were learning into a workable - what? format maybe?
As the years progressed though, and you could see how sincere they were about trying to learn all this stuff (which thoroughly contradicted what they'd known themselves as children and thus mirrored when they became such young parents (with us, the first unexpected crop), eventually we came around, forgiving them the initial "insincerity" we at least silently accused them of as it became apparent that they wouldn't have bothered trying if they did love us all enough to try to become as "effective" as they possibly could.
Make him read it. Tell him how it will affect you if he doesn't! (I still have problems listening to those damn "I" messages...)
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 12.06.05 (8:16 am)
oops... forgot to spell check and proof... duh ... meant: if they "didn't" love us all enough
posted by: almsthvn (reply)
post date: 12.06.05 (4:10 pm)
ooo Orange Juice ice cubes with toothpicks!!! and wheels of cheese! and and and! I love Time for Timer!
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 12.06.05 (4:47 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
It's so cool to hear from someone who was raised with this! Trust me, I don't have to make him read it -- he's completely devouring it and hasn't let me get my paws on it yet! At the rate he's going, it won't be long before I get to read it for myself. I did do an Active Listening thing with Danny tonight when he was freaking out a bit, and it completely stopped his freakout. So I raced to IM the husband and tell him, and he was so excited.... we'll see how things develop!
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 12.06.05 (4:48 pm)
Reply to: almsthvn
I remember trying to make those. They didn't freeze all the way and the toothpicks slid out. We had OJ slushies, which, later in life, I discovered were marvelous when combined with Malibu and/or vodka. [grin]
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 12.06.05 (6:58 pm)
Reply to: JT
So I hear you saying that you're working on this, is that right? I want you to know how it makes me feel to hear you say it..... oops. Sorry... Old habits die hard.
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 12.07.05 (8:24 am)
Reply to: surrogate
[cracking up]
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