I had an all-boy day today. Two friends with their little boys came over, and we divvied up girltalk with keeping the five boys amused and only mildly destructive. No blood or tears were shed, so I think it was successful.

Of the topics discussed, one thing stayed with me in a major way -- our mutual agreement that it's just really fucking hard to stop being poor. At least two of us have gone through reversals of fortune (such as they are) in the past few years, and my friend was absolutely on target when she observed that it's just so hard to move one step up from poor. And all it takes is one thing to make you spiral downward again.

Everyone probably has things that make them tense up like a spring; my thing is panicking about money. I just get all nuts when DH and I are figuring out our finances, and we discover we only have $XX to last us for a number of days (or even weeks). We have brief periods of time when I can relax... shop at Target without panicking if I buy cookies... but mostly, we live paycheck to paycheck and the thought of anything extra scares me to death.

Currently, we're struggling with the possibility of getting a car. We have a '93 Corolla that's totally paid off, but needs some brake work and doesn't quite fit three car seats in the back. We can do it, but it's really, really tight. I have family in the car business, so my cousin did some research and said he could get us into an '05 Ford Freestar with less than 30k for about $200 per month plus tax on a lease.

We were thrilled at first, mostly. The car looks great. But the payment scares us, and DH discovered that our auto insurance bill would nearly triple. DH and my cousin discussed it and decided to check out older, larger sedans. But for now, we do nothing.

Added to the potential of a car payment, I have dental work that really needs to be done. My maryland bridge is falling out, and while I thought it could just be replaced ($2,100), it appears that the only practical option may have to be a dental implant ($4,000, including two periodontal procedures). I'm actually comparison-shopping dentists. I have dental coverage from work, but it only covers about half of up to $1,000. I have to do something; I don't know what to do.

Now, I have a fussy baby who needs to be changed, so I'm going to go deal with that. But in the meantime, I wish for you and me love, peace, comfort and practical stuff like heat and hot water for 2006.  

["Do you feel sad sometimes, like your heart has a tummyache?" - King of the Hill]