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| whip me, beat me |
| 05.03.06 (7:13 am) [edit] |
Certified ways to destroy me:- E-mail from the boss saying only "Can you stop by for a sec?" - Tell me about a creepy medical procedure you need to do on me - Keep talking about the creepy medical procedure while you do it. - Ask me if I'm pregnant - Tell me I look tired - Be in a really bad mood around me but don't tell me why. - E-mail from ParentCenter with the subject line "Are you a good mom?" Am I a good mom? Sure I am, and no, I'm not. What a horrible thing to put on an e-mail... from a parenting site! Was I a good mom when I let my kids stay up late last night? Yes -- it was special for the kids, and no, kids need routine. Was I a good mom for doing it if the reason was to take them to the elementary school science fair? Yes -- it's educational! and no, because it was hot and noisy and Danny was coughing and everyone was overtired. In some ways, I'm a great mom. I think I have a sense of humor, I'm affectionate, I establish something of a routine but I'm not insane about it, I encourage them, I don't make them eat vegetables, and I think about them all the time. But I'm also not a great mom. I'm impatient, intolerant, I get bored playing their games, I get resentful that nobody appreciates me, I don't make them eat vegetables, and I'm tired all the time. Is anyone qualified to decide what makes a great parent? I think we know the obvious qualities that make a bad parent. Do you neglect your kids? Injure them? Insult them? On the other hand, are you permissive to the point where your kids run roughshod over the rest of the world? But aside from the obvious, I'd like to think there are special redeeming qualities in any decent parent that make them special. My favorite aspects of my own parents were their willingness to encourage our hobbies, their sense of fun, and their use of the term "I'm proud of you." I know things weren't always perfect, and there are a few things I still discuss in therapy, but the bottom line was I always knew my parents loved me, and that they felt I was special. If nothing else, I hope my kids grow up to feel supported, encouraged, and loved. If I can manage not to fuck that up, anything else will be gravy. |
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 05.03.06 (3:47 am)
Maybe they need vegetables - with gravy? You're a good Mom. Just the fact that you might worry about whether you are proves it. Tell the emailers to bite you.
posted by: Krupskaya (reply)
post date: 05.03.06 (7:17 pm)
Being a mom became so much easier once I realized that no matter what I did, someone would think I was wrong. No matter what. Then it was easier to say, "Well, whatever," and do what I knew was right.
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 05.04.06 (3:04 am)
Reply to Krupskaya:
That's so true! My friend Almsthvn once wrote "Life is less complication when you quit telling yourself 'No! Bad Dog!' all the time." She was right, but it's so hard to do!
posted by: scubadiva (reply)
post date: 05.04.06 (4:15 am)
Good parenting is relative. There will always be someone that appears to be a better parent than you. But sometimes, things aren't always what they SEEM.
I think I posted this story on someone else's blog a few days ago... I was in Costco (wealthy suburban area). There was a little boy in the shopping cart maybe 3-4 (I'm bad at guessing ages). He was crying and whining. A lot. (Makes me want to break out duct tape personally, but that's why I don't have kids). Anyway, the mother walks up to the child and says "If you don't shut up, I'm going to leave you here and a bad man will take you away and you'll never see us again."
Can you say abandonment issues? I looked at the mother, utterly stunned - she gave me a "WTF is your problem?" look.
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 05.04.06 (4:35 am)
Reply to: scubadiva
Oh. My. G-d. "A bad man will take you away?" That's horrid.
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