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| stale bread |
| 05.23.06 (7:46 am) [edit] |
When a marriage has two jobs, three kids, a couple of pets, an old car and not enough room, what happens? You save all your humor and patience for your kids. You take each other for granted. You forget the rush of love and affection that used to attack you at the sight of your spouse. You lose intimacy. At 4:30 this morning, I heard DH turn over and make a slight moan of pain. He does it often; more often than he knows. He's aware during the day that he doesn't feel well; but he's too busy to really figure out whether it's his shoes, his blades, his back, or what. But this morning, I heard the moan and reached out to touch him. He sort of settled under my hand. And I realized how little we touch each other. We were never PDA freaks; he's a conservative guy anyway so our affection was (usually) shown only in private. But we were definitely lovey-dovey enough behind closed doors to make anyone else retch. Fast-forward 11 years and we're basically roommates. I really don't know how to make it better when we're both so tired and stressed we just don't have anything left. The only time we're alone together -- and awake -- at the same time is generally Saturday night after the kids go to sleep, when we're both so wiped out we're practically comatose; or Sunday night during The Sopranos and Big Love, when we just want to watch the shows. I'm lucky if I manage to stay awake (and with Carmela off fawning over stone angels in Paris, I didn't pull that off this week). I have to constantly remind myself that marriage, and real life, can't be like the movies. But it's got to be better than this. It just feels like one more thing we have to put off until things are more under control -- when Jacob quits picking on Danny, Danny starts camp and school, the baby starts sleeping more, our paychecks stretch farther, and we both get more rest, sleep and relaxation. Should we make a date for 18 years from now? |
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 05.23.06 (4:00 am)
I'm thinking make a date for this Friday night. When you are too busy for your mate, you are TOO BUSY.
Actually most of us can relate. And, isn't it a foolish trap to keep thinking that things will slow down ....tomorrow? I hope and trust you will find a way to work this matter out.
posted by: irishred (reply)
post date: 05.23.06 (4:26 am)
I wouldn't wait any years. Do something together and soon. Even if it's just for a few minutes. Realizing it is a huge thing!! :)
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