I'm taking Carrie to the prom again. I'm not pleased. I mean, it's good because it's supposed to happen, and maybe some day I'll see my waist again, but dammit, this hurts. It's been about 18 months, so I've had a good run. Now it's time to get the OB to prescribe some bigger dose of the Pill and make this a little easier on me.

In honor of this disgusting passage, I bring you:

I'm a girl and by me that's only great
I am proud that my silhouette is curvy
that I walk with a sweet and girlish gait
With my hips kind of swivelly and swervey

I adore being dressed in something frilly
When my date comes to get me at my place
Out I go with my Joe or John or Billy
Like a filly who is ready for the race

When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curls
I float as the clouds on air do
I enjoy being a girl

When men say I'm cute and funny
And my teeth aren't teeth but pearls
I just lap it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl

I flip when a fellow sends me flowers
I drool over dresses made of lace
I talk on the telephone for hours
with a pound and a half of cream upon my face

I'm strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave and free male
who'll enjoy being a guy, having a girl like me

When men say I'm sweet as candy
As around in a dance we whirl
It goes to my head like brandy
I enjoy being a girl

With someone with eyes that smolder
Says he loves every silken curl
That falls on my ivory shoulder
I enjoy being a girl

When I hear a complementary whistle
That greets my bikini by the sea
I turn and I glower and I gristle
But I'm happy to know the whistles meant for me

I'm strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave and free male
who'll enjoy being a guy, having a girl like me

Oh, fuck this.