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| scourge |
| 10.02.06 (3:58 pm) [edit] |
It's the Day of Atonement; the holiest day in the Jewish calendar, and I'm already full of sin. I'm sitting on my bed, using my work laptop, after having assembled a meat lasagna while my husband davens in shul. And I'm angry and depressed and pretty darned miserable.DH might say that if I were fasting, davening, and generally observing the laws of my religion, then maybe I'd be less unhappy. But somehow I think G-d has more on his mind right now than my stupid problems. The latest of which is that maybe 20 minutes ago, I picked up the kitchen phone, thinking it was the therapist we're getting Jacob in to see, and it wasn't. It was the YMCA, a representative of which was very angry that I'd referred her to my husband on Friday (since he'd know when we could pay, and how much) and that nobody had called her back. And here, I added to my sins - playing the religion card. "My husband isn't here right now," I said. "It's Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year. He's at Temple. But he did tell me Friday night that he was going to bring a check with him tomorrow." "Well, you TOLD me to call him and I did and nobody called me back." "I understand," I said. "I'm sorry he didn't get a chance to call you, but I can't fix that. However, we're very eager to get caught up and my husband will...." "You are TWO MONTHS BEHIND," she snarled. "Yes, and I'm aware of it, and we're really sorry we've gotten off to this bad start, but as I said, my husband will bring a check tomorrow when he brings Danny to school." There's small pause, and then in the most clipped, clenched-teeth warning tone, she says just "Thank you." And I hang up the phone, feeling like dogshit. Is our consistently crappy financial situation going to impact how they treat my son? My little puppy of a boy, who already has the albatross of my genes hanging around his neck? Will we ever get to a point where we're not panicking over the list of bills we have to pay, or the number of cryptic phone messages we get every week, saying how imperative it is that you return our call? We're not bad people, seriously. We're just in over our heads and have been for a long time. And I feel bad because when I met DH, I was a financial idiot but he was in decent shape and bailed me out more than once. Neither of us made much money when we were first married, but we were newlyweds; I was just 26 and had the whole world in front of me. I started a 401k at my first major corporation, and had someone tell me that the money I put in it until I was 30 was the money on which I'd retire. Too damned bad I lost my 401k to the dotcom bust and our failing mortgage a few years ago, eh? I haven't seen my own paycheck since Jacob was born. It goes directly to childcare and that's a bitter pill to swallow some days. Add to the constant financial pressure all the extras -- medications, the incredible time sucker of school-related activities, the flipper I've been wearing for months in anticipation of the dental work I can't afford, and the need to get therapy for three out of five of us.... and it's just too much to contemplate. Is it any wonder that I'm so quick to anger, to frustration? That what sleep I get is plagued by nightmares? That I somehow can't gather sympathy when my mother tells of her poor friend, who just can't sell either of their multimillion dollar houses in Lake Forest and New Mexico? This woman who called from the YMCA, she hates me. I could feel it over the wire; the digust and disdain. We might get caught up and never be late with a payment again, but this will follow us; I'm sure of it. Maybe this is why Danny's teacher is so short with me; maybe she knows we're the deadbeats. I'm sure they think we're off somewhere, laughing over caviar and martinis, while doffing our cruise togs and laughing about the unpaid bills we litter in the ship's wake. Either that, or we're pictured scratching ourselves on the sprung plaid sofa in the front yard of our double-wide; planting plastic flowers in an old toilet bowl and feeding our kids beer and generic Cheet-os for breakfast. We're neither of those things. We're just a couple of people trying to get by and not having the greatest luck with it. I don't know if this weight will ever leave our necks, but I can say one thing with impunity: I know now why people wish better for their children. I don't care if we're never rich -- or even if our kids are -- but please, G-d, on this day when we're supposed to be so close to You, give my children freedom from debt. Let them never hear those phone calls or duck the front office on their way in to see the teacher or the doctor. Let them never feel the shame of owing anybody anything other than courtesy. |
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 10.02.06 (2:43 pm)
I've been married for 25 years, and looking back can say I've always struggled financially. Some of it is poor money management, but most is simply because I've taken a course in life that doesn't pay very well. And it's been my choice- eyes open wide. So, why complain and why get angry? At the end of the day you have paid what you can, and tried to be a good steward of your resources, so choose to sleep well.
Now, in the course of those 25 years, I spent about 3 years as a collector for a Jewelry Store. They trian you to be agressive and insistent with the collection calls. In reality, you know the person does not have to pay. And most collectors deeply dislike what they have to do. So, most likely her nasty disposition has more to do with a disdain for herself than for you. I appreciate your being nice to her, and your sincere desire to pay your bills. To me, that is a sign of character.
God bless- I have no doubt you surely have a quality life.
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 10.02.06 (5:13 pm)
Pastor Dave is dead on EXCEPT, you have no obligation to do any more than do your best, especially with the friggen YMCA. Your patience and guilt is commendable, but after going through similar money problems for a few years after my divorce, (and feeling like I had nothing more to lose) I started getting in the face of ANY collector who called me either too frequently or was rude, which was a common occurance for a few months. I stated unequivically that I intended to pay, but I'd instituted a policy whereby the most reasonable people got paid first and if (a.) they called more often than once a week, they got moved to the bottom of the pile and (b.) if they were rude in ANY way, I'd threaten to only talk to them while I recorded the conversations so I could use the tape in my harrasment actions against them. This last worked VERY well though I've been told subsequently that it probably would have little effect legally. Also, I only agreed to pay of balances in total if I got a letter stating that any detrimental credit claims made previously by the company would be removed. This ALWAYS worked, though sometimes I had to climb the ladder a few rungs to get to someone who could authorize it, but trust me, EVERY company has SOMEONE who knows the game.
Sorry about the use of so many CAPS.
posted by: Orange (reply)
post date: 10.03.06 (6:20 am)
You're not the only one who can't summon up sympathy for rich folks whose houses (plural!) are slow to sell.
posted by: doeeyed (reply)
post date: 10.09.06 (11:19 am)
Believe me when I say, you and your husband aren't the only ones who have these kinds of problems. Truth be told, most people at some point in their life deal with bill collectors, etc..
When I say "point in their life" that could be a very long time too.
I know my hubby and I struggled for years while raising our children. I was almost always scared to answer the phone for quite sometime.
Now that the kiddos are older and were more financially stable, I look back at those years and realize now how lucky I am now. Had I not lived through the lean years, I might be taking this time for granted.
Regardless I pray that things turn around for you. Please don't let anyone make you feel any less than what you are.
Take Care,
Doe
posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 10.09.06 (5:49 pm)
One of your best posts ever--and that's saying a lot.
posted by: flea (reply)
post date: 10.11.06 (6:26 pm)
I totally hear you.
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