Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2009 October
2008 November
2008 October
2008 July
2008 June
2008 May
2008 April
2008 March
2008 February
2008 January
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 September
2007 August
2007 July
2007 June
2007 May
2007 April
2007 March
2007 February
2007 January
2006 December
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 July
2006 June
2006 May
2006 April
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 April
2004 March
2004 January
2003 December
My Links
yirmlog
One Good Thing
Orange Tangerine
Mimi Smartypants
Jennifer Weiner's Blog (Author of In Her Shoes & Good In Bed)
Almsthvn's Blog
Aliciarose's Blog
Puplife's DogBlog
Gaper's Block: Chicago Blog
ChicagoBlogs Web Ring
What She Said!
Veiled Conceit
Blogs By Women
Radio show captained by Mike Keneally and Rich Pike.
Katy's Skary Kids
Ask Liz Ryan Community
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
| the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning |
| 12.07.06 (9:32 pm) [edit] |
I'm watching "Walk the Line" and planning Jacob's 7th birthday party, while Benjamin's first birthday creeps up on me. One week from tomorrow, my little baby will turn one. And as hard as hell as it is to have an infant -- and boy, can it be hard, especially when that infant has two older brothers -- I'm having a pretty tough time.Every morning, I walk past the Prentice women's hospital on my way to work next door, and every single time, I remember the three times I waddled in, heavily pregnant, and tiptoed out, delicately bruised and intensely focused on the new life we tucked into a new car seat. Every time, I remind myself how the first time I was in so much pain, and the second time took so long, and the third time there was no hot water in my room. I remember going from being just a woman to being a mother; being responsible for the life of a whole other being. Almost every night, I rock the baby in the darkness of the living room. The other two boys are asleep (or close to it) on the other end of the apartment, and the world closes in on me and that tiny person. Benjamin gazes at me with his beatific smile, his sparkling blue eyes. He bats his long eyelashes and clutches my finger; shakes his head against my shoulder and eventually turns and wraps his whole body around my arm. I feel him surrendering to his sleepiness every night, and his peace turns into mine. The first baby is the experiment. He's the learning curve; the discovery. He's how you learn what true love is. He's unconditional and testing and exasperating. He forces you to learn. The second baby is the company. He's the one just for fun, the one to round out your numbers. He gets less attention but needs less help. At least, that's what we tell ourselves. He's the clown, the playful one. He's the one that lets you appreciate the early days, months, years -- the ones we lost to learning how to parent. He's the one where you relax the rules and let yourself make mistakes. The third one is the surprise. He isn't anyone's twin or anyone's opposite. His isn't his father's junior or his mother's son -- he's intensely, uniquely himself but a blend of everyone. He's the self-sufficient one; the last one in line, the hand-me-down kid, the one who's never had anything to himself. He's the team player but the center of the world. He's my baby, and he's growing up. And I can say forever that he will always be my baby, but there will come a day -- probably many, when I will read these words and remember rocking him in the dark, brushing that silken hair off his forehead in the flickering light from the TV, and wonder where my baby went. |
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 12.08.06 (1:18 pm)
What will the fourth one be?... or maybe the sixth?
posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 12.09.06 (7:55 am)
I truly miss my 'babies'
posted by: seochris (reply)
post date: 12.12.06 (2:22 am)
Cud u publish ur babies snaps plz
posted by: almsthvn (reply)
post date: 12.15.06 (8:28 pm)
Happy Birthday, Benjamunch!
