I forgot to take my pills today, until it was too late.

Sounds dramatic, eh? It doesn't catch up with me until the afternoon, when I start yawning uncontrollably. Then, the crankiness sets in. Of course, it doesn't help that I didn't eat today. Oops. See, I was in the habit of picking at an Au Bon Pain asiago bagel throughout the morning. Once the band around my stomach felt comfortable enough, I could take my pills. I literally spent three hours a day working on this bagel; I'd usually get through at least half of it, and that got me through most of the day. Then, Wednesday morning I walked to Au Bon Pain only to find they'd shut down -- no notice. No signs on the window or door. Cruel, unusual punishment!

The problem is, since I didn't eat anything, I didn't think about my pills. The thyroid stuff I don't notice if I miss only one day, but it will catch up with me. The birth control pill, I can double up on if I need to later. But the happy pills? It's shocking how badly I need them, and how horrid I am without them. I had gotten the little bit of Zoloft in this afternoon when I realized what I'd done, but I figured it was too late to take the Welbutrin -- and that pill is big for me, so it's really hard to swallow on an empty stomach anyway.

Between the pills and the not eating and my teeth hurting oh, they hurt, I came home tonight with a nasty headache. And I was therefore a bit impatient with the kids, though not truly horrible. It wasn't until the two big ones were out cold and I went in to quiet the baby (screaming, all blankets, toys, pacifiers thrown to the floor, etc.) that I was calmer. I'd managed to get everyone to bed, return work emails, feed the cats, and bake two cakes (one rectangle -- to be a graveyard -- and one pumpkin) for tomorrow's cakewalk without completely losing my marbles, so that was good. Benjamin looked up at me as I put his things back into the crib, and said "eat?"

"No eat," I said. "Eat tomorrow. But you can have milk. Want more milk?"

"Mo meeeylk," he said, stuffing a pacifier back into his mouth. He sat peacefully while I filled a bottle for him, and when I came back in, snuggled up with his blankies and kitties and bottle.

"Meeylk," he said. I put his music on, and rubbed his back for a little while. We did our little ritual "I love you" exchange and touched index fingers (we're weird), and I finally tore myself away from his little plump cheek and silken brow. I put Danny's book aside (The Adventures of Captain Underpants!) and laid his raised hand down, then ruffled Jacob's hair as I left the room. Jake fakes sleeping a lot when he thinks I'll bust him for being up too late, so I never know if he smiles after I leave the room, or if he just stirs lightly and goes back to his dreams.