That's a provocative title, eh?

We had a pancake breakfast at the elementary school this morning. It's our third annual one, and in the recent tradition was really popular and successful. But I came away with a really bad taste in my mouth, and it wasn't from the food. Lately, I've been getting really depressed when I'm at the school, which annoys the shit out of me.

This is my second year of being co-president of the PTA, and I've gotten used to being recognized, being social, and trying to make new families feel welcome. I was extremely vocal about a few issues that were important to me, such as school bussing, building our new library, good communications, and when they wanted to change the day schedule so that school would start and end an hour earlier every day.

From 2007-09, I worked really hard to help raise $116,000 so we could furnish our new library with ergonomic, environmentally responsible, attractive furniture. And for the three years before I was a president, I did the PTA newsletter single-handedly. I've cooked pans of sausages for breakfasts, freezable meals for families who were grieving or had a sick parent, and desserts for potlucks. I've re-covered miles of bulletin boards, reframed pictures, stuffed thousands of envelopes, and cleaned up after countless events.

And yet.... there are some very snotty women who really clearly don't like me. Maybe because I'm fat, or don't always wear makeup, or have showed up at school in a baseball hat and workout pants. They don't like that the principal talks to me as a friend (uh, we went to high school together), or don't like when I make "executive" decisions such as whether or not to show a movie in the auditorium. Maybe they don't like one of my kids. Or that I'm not wealthy. Or that I have a loud voice and make announcements. Maybe they don't like that I was asked to DJ school events or be the auctioneer for the live auctions.

Sometimes I know why they don't like me -- an email is misread, or their "suggestion" (nee command) is not used. They don't like that I "got" to be president and they didn't.

And sometimes, I don't know why they don't like me. And I can only assume it's some typically junior-high bullshit about how I don't fit in. I'm not invited to game nights with semi-famous locals. We don't host fancy dinner parties. In fact, I often try to throw parties and sometimes they're really poorly attended.

And sometimes, I don't care. "Fuck them and their pilates-taking, Lexus-driving, skinny-assed rich selves," I think. "I don't need this shit. Let them try to be this uber-volunteer with three kids, a crazy full-time job, and very little money in a messy, tiny rental house and no vacations and no season tickets and no fancy clothes. Fuck them all."

And sometimes, I'm really hurt and upset. I want people to like me and don't want to feel like they're making snarky comments behind my back (and not too far behind it, either). And I'm pissed because I like volunteering and I want to enjoy it, but it's hard to when you feel like people are bitchy and hate you.

And I shouldn't care. Because at least one of the women who is clearly bitchy to me isn't someone I'd want to hang out with anyway. But seriously? Have I not given enough of myself willingly and joyfully to be exempted from the Gossip Girls bullshit?