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| slump |
| 04.25.05 (6:44 am) [edit] |
I'm depressed. Sorry. I am drinking some Coke and I just took my happy pill, so with any luck things will improve and I'll be back to my smartassed, wisecracking self by the end of the day. There's all this stress I'm really sick of having, and it's not going to go away any time soon. I have something going on that I'm not just yet ready to write about... well, I'm ready to write about it, but not post it. Anyway, this is one of those things that, in a perfect world, would always be a great thing -- the kind of thing everyone would be happy about. But there's a lot of ambivalence and guilt involved.I wish I didn't get so stressed out by my MIL, too. She means well -- she's not inherently evil or anything. But for one thing, I'm not comfortable with houseguests (or in my case, apartmentguests). We don't have a guest room or anything, or even more than one bathroom, and I start to feel stifled and put-upon. She watches me intently a lot, which really irritates the fuck out of me. And then I feel guilty for not being more hospitable, which makes me feel defensive and angry. There seems to be a lot of emotional maneuvering and it really bugs me. There are frequent mentions of my weight loss (last visit, they were tempered with "all you have to lose is that tummy" a few times). There is near-constant discussion of our somewhat insecure financial position. There is a lot of "I wish I could do yada yada yada for you," followed by "let me show you pictures of the really expensive furniture I'm about to buy." I'm jealous and I have no right to be. And that leads to more guilt, more defensiveness, more anger. And of course, all of this is made worse by my current physical condition, which is hormonal, nauseous, and exhausted. Danny woke up at 4 am with the screaming meanies again. I brought him to bed with me, clinging like a little cuddly leech. He refused to let me get up and shower until after Boobah started and Jacob woke up. Then I managed to have an argument with DH before stomping out the door 20 minutes after my usual ridiculously early leave-for-work time. Now I'm bleary-eyed and resentful. I'm listening to the soft tones of one of my coworkers (one I call Sourpuss or Lemonhead because she has apparently hated me from the moment I set foot in this office and always looks at me like I smell bad) gossiping with a friend. But it's 8 am, so the cafe should be open. Perhaps I can snag some light breakfast, put my headphones on, and blast the bejeezus out of this mood. So very sorry to share my mood with you. Perhaps you all have better stories to tell today... I'll check in later. |
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 04.25.05 (5:28 am)
Reply to: Godsmack
Zoloft -- in my family, we all call it "Vitamin Z."
And it's not that kind of coke, GS. Don't get too excited!!!
posted by: trekguy (reply)
post date: 04.25.05 (5:39 am)
Vitamin Z, ah yes, better living through Chemistry!! Stress can be a mind killer, and it looks like you've got plenty!
Here's hoping for this all to pass and your tummy takes pity on you.
Too bad MIL is stressing you out so much. I've had two sets now and each one has been just a sweetheat of a couple I feel very very lucky. Just remember it is not forever so this too shall pass!
posted by: almsthvn (reply)
post date: 04.25.05 (5:48 am)
Reply to: JT
I like Zoloft. I love my little blue pill. I like being an ovoid (the little dude in the ads). and I like you!
Things will feel much better after the move, I promise! I do I do!! Want K and I to come help? Say the word!
posted by: Gemgal (reply)
post date: 04.25.05 (5:54 am)
I feel for you, I really do. I've been in a debate about taking a happy pill too. But I'm not sure. I don't like taking pilss unless it's super necessary. Instead I bury my emotion s and one day I figure I'll pop. But on the serious side, I've decided to go to a therapist.. just once. So we'll see how much it will help. You've got freinds at Tblog.
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 04.25.05 (6:08 am)
Reply to: Gemgal
Thanks, Punkin'. Regarding the pills... nobody really likes the idea of taking meds. Zoloft was the third medication I tried, and the first one that worked. It wasn't so much that it altered my personality -- the way I remember describing it to my brother was that it made me less likely to stalk people who cut me off in traffic.
posted by: childish (reply)
post date: 04.26.05 (10:24 am)
i'm starting to think that all mother in laws are alike.
mine is the queen of rude comments and insinuations. Both indirectly and quite directly.
My favorite was when she told me that until our wedding date, my husband belonged to her, not me.
oh! i didn't know he was property!
anyway sorry, this post struck a nerve.
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 04.26.05 (10:41 am)
Reply to: childish
WOW! Remind me to tell the story of me, my MIL and myself at the manicurist's the day before my wedding.... when I completely blew my top. Ooops.
posted by: childish (reply)
post date: 04.26.05 (6:30 pm)
Reply to: JT
tmail me the story?! pleaseeeeeeeee
posted by: JT (reply)
post date: 04.27.05 (4:53 am)
Reply to: childish
I posted it -- read fast -- DH may decide this is an invasion of his privacy and ask that I remove it.
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